26.2 Reasons to Finish

26.2 Reasons to Finish

I'm not exactly thrilled about running Marine Corps in October. I still haven't figured out why I REALLY want to do this. What am I trying to prove? Why am I pushing myself so hard for something I deem trivial on some days? Until I come up with some serious answers, I'll just continue to run and pretend I know what I'm doing.

To keep me inspired during training, I'm dedicating each of the 26.2 miles to my loved ones. I will be thinking of them during training and especially on race day. With names attached to each mile, I am making 26.2 commitments to finish each leg of the race - I am accountable to these people (whether they know it or not) and won't let anyone down, including myself. I may start adding comments next to the names if the mood strikes; this is a good opportunity to say a few words about the people who matter.

Mile 1: Deanna
Mile 2: Mom
Mile 3: Dad
Mile 4: Deborah
Mile 5: Timothy
Mile 6: Preetika, Tage & Samina
Mile 7: Pop (RIP)
Mile 8: Grandmom (RIP)
Mile 9: Ron
Mile 10: JoAnne
Mile 11: Aunt Dorothy (RIP) & Uncle Bob
Mile 12: Aunt Joan
Mile 13: Aunt Edith (RIP)
Mile 14: Graziella (RIP)
Mile 15: Adrian
Mile 16: Insana
Mile 17: Raina
Mile 18: Jerry & Danita
Mile 19: Heather
Mile 20: The Richardson Family (Makeda, Dutch, Faith & Blesyn)
Mile 21: Shereada
Mile 22: Tanya
Mile 23: Birth Parents
Mile 25: Aunt Jody & Uncle John
Mile 26: Will
Mile .2: Me

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Hope

Hope

I enjoyed watching He's Just Not That Into You and was surprised at how much I related to one of the main characters, Gigi. She was a hopeless case, over-analyzing and dissecting every move a guy would make only to be disappointed and hurt.... yet through it all, as ridiculous as she looked each time, as idiotic and naive as she seemed... she had this incredible optimism that everything would eventually be OK and she never gave up. Here is one of the more memorable quotes from the movie:

Gigi: Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the un-returned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment... you never gave up hope.

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What a difference a week makes...

What a difference a week makes...

Back from vacation. Did a lot of thinking... life is good; however, as the old adage states: be careful what you wish for.

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June 3, 2009

June 3, 2009

Last night was a delightful break from the norm. Deanna, Will, and I braved torrential downpours and a painfully slow will-call line to see Wale and UCB at the 9:30 Club.

The club was packed and filled with a diverse group of supportive fans. The energy from the anxious crowd was adrenalizing and we enduringly waited for Wale to appear.

“Wale! Wale!” the crowd chanted boisterously.

After what seemed like an eternity, the band took the stage and the drums started thumping. The entire club began to sway and bob to the beat; as Wale bounced onto the stage, hundreds of exuberant fans screamed and cheered triumphantly. I scanned the entire club from time-to-time, marveling at the unity and vivacity of the fans – it was a sea of Wale fans and nothing more: race, age, status… nothing mattered but the music.

For about two hours with no intermission, Wale, UCB, and a host of talented rappers, singers, and musicians shook the crowd with their art. Wale took many opportunities to connect with his hometown, reminding us over and over about his love for the DMV (DC/MD/VA). He was sincere, passionate, and delivered an engaging and entertaining show.

UCB sparked my nostalgia with their covers of Junk Yard, Back Yard, Rare Essence, and E.U. classics. Will got especially enthused with the Back Yard tributes; Deanna was awestruck by the whole experience – it was her first time at such an event and she was mesmerized. By the end of the night, she was exhausted but as we drove home, she kept saying how happy it made her to see such a positive turnout for Wale, who is one of her favorite rappers – she was overwhelmed but in a good way!

Sometimes, a “night out” becomes a “night to remember.” This was definitely one of them.

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Letting Go

Letting Go

I took Papa Roach to the dog beach in Quiet Waters park yesterday. It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon - the sun was shining, the clouds were soft and billowy, and the sky was a radiant blue - it reminded me of the blues I see in crystals. It was a perfect day to be outside, especially in Annapolis (an area that I absolutely love visiting but don't see often enough). As soon as we neared the water, my body relaxed and my mind began to escape from all the clutter and worries about starting a new week.

Since this was our first time at the dog beach, I kept Roach leashed, worried that he might run away if he got spooked by the sand and surf. As soon as we got around the other dogs, he became extremely aggressive, barking and lunging at every dog that would come within five feet of us. My peaceful composure turned into a stressed and anxious one - I began to worry and started wondering if I should remove Roach from the beach altogether. He was visibly stressed, and became more agitated by the minute.

A young girl with two Boxers in tote had been eying me struggle with Roach for a few minutes; eventually she came up to us and gently said "You know... by keeping him on the leash when he's acting like that - it's teaching him to be aggressive. I'm a trainer and I see this all the time." She motioned to one of her dogs who was patiently standing by her side and said "He's a completely different dog when he's on his leash - he's impossible!"

So I quickly thought to myself "What am I so afraid of? What is the worst that could happen if I let him off the leash?" Two things came to mind:

1) Fear: He might run away and I will have to chase after him; I might not get him back!

Fact: Eventually, he'll come back; he always has in the past when he's escaped. With the help of my friends and/or other dog owners, I'll get him back.

2) He might start a fight with another dog.

Fact: If he tries to pull the alpha male card, the other dog will either submit or defend itself; in either case, he will back off, like he has in the past.

But my biggest fear was this (and it seems so stupid now): What will other people think about ME if I let him off the leash and he does either of these things?

Wow... do I care that much about what other people think about me? Apparently so, and this drove me absolutely crazy. Roach is a DOG and guess what? Dogs run because to them, it's natural and fun... and dogs like to show dominance by testing other dogs with a quick growl, bark, or lunge - this doesn't mean they are going to fight every single dog they come across. Dogs roughhouse and if a dog owner doesn't understand this, that didn't mean it was a reflection of who EYE was. I actually like it when my dog is punked because normally, he's the one doing the punking - he needs to realize that he's not going to be Number One in every situation.

So I followed my heart and did something that does not come easy for me - I let go.

As I unclipped the leash from Roach's collar, he stood there for a split second, looking at me in what I read as disbelief; I could almost read his little doggie mind "Does this mean I am free?" So he did what any sensible dog would do if their leash is removed - he bolted! Up and down the beach he ran, taking in everything that was around him. The water, the sand, the vegetation, the people, the other dogs - he went from hostile to free spirited in a matter of seconds and I felt immediately inspired. It felt so good to let go of that leash and of course, me being the overanalyzer that I am, began reflecting and applied this issue of trust and letting go to my life.

What if I let go in many other areas of my life? Would it feel this good? Would I be as content and peaceful as I felt the second I let go of that leash? I almost got choked up but Adrian, Shani, and Deanna were close by. If they saw me crying, I'd have to explain why and it was a private moment I wanted to relish in.

I watched Roach play to the point of exhaustion and I enjoyed every second of it. It felt so good to put my trust in this seemingly dangerous situation and let go of my fears and reservations. And guess what? He didn't run away - he was all over the place but he often came back to my side just to make sure I hadn't run off. Not once did he get into any trouble; I put my faith in him and he never let me down.

After the beach, we headed to the dog park where he chased after tennis balls and ran along side of a dozen other canines who were basking in the sun and enjoying their time off the evil and confining leash. If animals have emotions, these dogs were head-over-heels HAPPY. They were doing what dogs do best - living in the moment.

During the long ride back to Germantown, I thought long and hard about my trust issues and made a concious decision to start comparing situations to my experience at the dog beach. Simply stated, "To be free, I must let go." Let go of my fears about what other people might think or say; let go of the what-if's; I need to ask myself more often, "What's the worst that could happen?" Nine times out of ten, I bet I will come up with responses that are trivial, petty, and designed by my wary mind to hold me back from following my heart.

Now, this doesn't mean I'm going to become a wreckless, careless fool with no discretion in situations. I'm still going to use my head but I hope I will be more thoughtful and reflective the next time I feel myself holding back from something out of fear or mistrust.

I appreciated this unexpected reminder about trust and will always marvel at how inspiration often stems from the most unlikely of places. If you're fortunate enough as I was yesterday, you will realize it while it's occurring and listen with your heart and soul.

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